Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year Resolutions that can change India

By: Subhadeep Bhattacharjee

Within a few hours from now the entire world will be celebrating New Year. This is the time of the year when many resolutions are made for the coming year. There are some resolutions by our politicians which can go a long way in making our country a better place to live in. Lets take a look at some such resolutions.

Sonia Gandhi: Decides to get rid of all the sycophants in her party and instead replace them with more deserving candidates. Makes the oldest party in the world's largest democracy more democratic where the Gandhi surname is not bigger than the party.

L K Advani: Decides not to contest the Lok Sabha polls and backs a young leader as a Prime Ministerial candidate. Acknowledges that some wing of the saffron brigade has gone the extremist way and it should be handled by law before it becomes uncontrollable.

Manmohan Singh: Resolves to talks with a more authoritative voice in the coming year. Not beg for peace from our neighbouring countries rather show the country's resolve to fight terror. Stop looking at Sonia for making all his decisions.

Prakash Karat: Finally decides to read Karl Marx and understand the minutes of communism. Sheds the anti-US glasses from his eyes and decides to become more rational with his thought. Agrees China to be a foreign country rather than his party's biggest ally.

Raj Thackrey: Finally acknowledges Maharashtra and Mumbai to be a part of India and encourages people from all over India especially Bihar and Uttar Pradesh to come and settle down in his state. Visits the UP, Bihar and runs an NGO working towards providing basic healthcare to the poor.

Mirwaiz Omar Farooq : Understands the real needs of the people of Kashmir valley. Accepts the fact that people need food, water, roads and electricity before independence. Commits to fight the upcoming Lok Sabha polls and work for the betterment of J&K.

Mayawati: Directs her party members not to make her birthday a bigger occasion than Independence Day. People not willing to pay to her party funds will not be slaughtered to death instead will be informed on the developmental programmes her party plans to run.

Mamata Banerjee: Accepts the blame of chasing away Tata Nano from the state. Pledges to work for the development of the farmers and rallies her energy towards industrialisation and job creation in West Bengal. She call for a law banning bandhs.

Amar Singh: For once he decides to speak like as a national leader and stops smelling fish in places like the Batla house. Makes sure his name is not associated with any money scandal in the Parliament. Promises to attend more developmental works in his state rather than Bollywood parties in Mumbai.

Shivraj Patil: Decides to to quit from active politics and walk towards the Himalayas to seek salvation. Unable to manage home (read home ministry), on a wintry morning leaves all things behind. He finally gets peace from bomb blasts and automatic assault riffles.

A R Auntaly: He finally thinks he can do a lot of favour to the country just by keeping his mouth shut. Stops cooking conspiracy theories in his mind and giving startling statements to the media. Instead decides to write scripts for Ram Gopal Varma.

R R Patil: Decides to go back to elementary school and learn basic mathematics. Puts all his efforts in understanding the differences between 'big' and 'small'. He also decides to take coaching from a PR agency to improve his oratory skills.

These are just some of the things which will never happen in this country. Just wish some of our leaders decide to mend their way of functioning in the coming year. Happy New Year to all of you.


Anonymous,  December 31, 2008 at 8:49 PM  


Wat will be given loans fr Hummers and Pontiacs...

Bhatt camp making religious and pious movies..

Rakhi Sawant and mallika Sherawat becoming brahmakumaris..

and dawood distributing tents to the poor..and maybe porn cd's

height of optimism and fantasy..omgwtf

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