Sunday, July 26, 2009

A scene out of Kabab's case...

By: Subhadeep Bhattacharjee

This is a courtroom proceeding of terror case involving terrorist Makhmal Kabab. He has been booked under the (Prevention of Sea Surfacing Terror Act). Public Prosecutor is Jaljal Bhukamp and the Defence Lawyer is Khaskhas UseMe

Judge: we can start with the proceedings now. Yes Mr Public Prosecutor

PP: Milord, now I would like to call upon my next witness. The blind cobbler who saw Kabab and his accomplice carry out the attack on the railway station.

Judge: A blind man will now testify in the case?

PP: Milord so many people with vision have testified but we still haven’t come to any conclusion after so I thought a blind man’s confession might mean more trustworthy.
Kabab laughs which surprises all present in the court room

Judge: What makes you laugh?

Kabab: Well the Astayam prices have almost tripled since I had invested in it through some of my contacts. If I can escape all this and go back to my country I will study and become a lawyer you see I have got so much of knowledge over the last few months.

PP: I don’t believe this we have booked you under the harshest of charges and you are investing on our stock markets and feel you can just walk home.

Kabab: Everybody says this is a good time to invest in the Indian stock markets right?
The recovery is on and if my case goes on for another six months I can easily make five times my initial investment. See back home we can’t make so much money in the stock markets.

Judge: Mr Kabab you are wasting the court’s time with your unnecessary talks. Will you please remain silent so that we can proceed with the case?

Kabab: Just one last request, I am done with my toothpaste stock. Can you make sure I get it by tomorrow? I am bit hygiene conscious you see. By the way I have a suggestion why don’t you get the jumbo family pack from Small Bazaar I heard they give you Rs 12 off and moreover it will last for another three months.

PP: This is outrageous I cannot believe we are debating this in the court
(The public prosecutor than says to himself we haven’t debated anything else either in the last four months of proceedings)

Judge: Mr Kabab we will argue with the topics related only to the case in the courtroom. So just remain silent or else we will consider it as a contempt of court.

The blind witness testifies in front of the judge and the Defence lawyer xx gets a chance to question him

Defence: If you are blind how did you see Kabab shoot?

PP: I object your honour. But for what I don’t know!!!

Judge: What do you mean you don’t know what your objection is for?

PP: Well Ram Pagal Germa asked me to object his assistant sitting in the last row is writing a script for his upcoming movie Mumbai Par Atank Raj

Kabab: Cut that short. I want to confess that all the charges against me are true. I along with my accomplice carried out the attack in the railway station and also killed the cops.

Judge: How come you are confessing now? Are you under any pressure?

Kabab: I was, RPG had asked me to act in the court so that I can star in his next movie. I was just giving my screen test in the courtroom. His assistant has signalled that I have cleared the test. Moreover the last few months I have been witnessing this nonsense of court room and I think I am tired.

Judge: Mr Defence Lawyer, do you want to proceed with your court examination of the witness?

Defence: Yes Milord I am still not done with my screen test for RPG so I have to continue with the case. By the way I think I can get a small role for you too if I am onboard.

Kabab: Excuse Judge sahib can I get a few days of holiday I want to visit my parents.

Judge: Please keep quite. Mr Public Prosecutor do you have any questions for Kabab?

PP: I wasn’t prepared for his confession so I will need a few days of time to prepare for my questions.

Judge: The court is adjourned till next Monday.

While moving out of the court Kabab is excited having cleared RPG’s screen test while the Defence and Public Prosecutor are still trying the get a chance in the movie. The Judge goes and meets RPG’s assistant……This case surely has many more important things to come.

For more funny posts read Funny Stuff


bikramjit July 27, 2009 at 6:08 PM  

hilarious blog man....but sum ribald ingredients would have made it even more intriguing

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